mother nature thinks you're an asshole...

you know something i've noticed and really no one is going to give a shit,but hey it's my blog and sometimes i go off into the random. litter. litter you ask? wtf does litter have to do with me going off on a useless rant other than pick it up and find a garbage can asshole?

well folks what i have noticed well out..walking/hiking/driving is that the majority of litter is coming from both Mcdonald's and Tim Horton's. why is that? you don't see Starbucks litter, you don't see Wendy's litter. is it a social class thing? people who drink Starbucks spend more therefor making more and subsequently have the better sense to use a garbage can? or is it that people who tend to spend $4 on a latte want to so savor it they keep the cups??? that would be really fucked up.

why do you think it is that people who pay $1.50 for a coffee see it fit to toss the cup out the window? well unless it's roll up the rim to win, then you know every mofo out there is searching for those damn cups..in the garbage, in the ditch, in the backseat on the floor or your car.

I'm more partial to beleive that it's lazy uncouth people who frequent drive thrus. I mean you don't see people carry their trays at McDicks and just drop all the refuse in the middle of the floor right? then why do these people think it's ok to open the window and throw the WHOLE BAG OUT?

Next time you're out and about..look in the gutter and notice the namebrands because you know that shit isn't going to say skinny half caf, extra whip, no chocloate, extra hot on the side.

*UPDATE- ok so i walked out my front door and almost tripped on a Starbucks cup. but the kicker? it wasn't there yesterday and already it's biodegrading before my eyes. ok so maybe my whole theory is shot but at least we know in 2265 there will be an archeologist digging up a 'Ho cup only to find he's won a car that is 257 years old.

the x factor

so what is it about being sick that makes me want to forget every bad thing about my ex bf and run whimpering back at the first sign of a cold? is it the nyquil hallucinations in the middle of the afternoon that made me feel like the lonely old maid with 8 cats or the fact that i'm about to turn 34 boyfriendless and have to renew my drivers license to completely leave behind all semblance of youth? sure he was great as a bedside nurse at my worst but he resenting everything about me at my best. apparently there is a term for what i'm doing right now. it's called back pedaling. basically i've had shit luck in finding a new relationship so i'm grasping at the past. we all do it now and then. as my dear Great-Aunt Enid would say " the best way to get over an old man is to get under a new one." she's been dead for about 5 years.
i should probably take less nyquil.

i'm still sick...

pray for me bitches

i'm sick, talk amongst yourselves.

to be continued...

donny stop whoring out marie

so icky pat o'brien is refueling his liver in 'hab and donny osmond is filling in (really? is there no one else available for this?) which ok i had the doll as a tot and watched the show..hell i probably even watched the cheesy talk show in a weed induced haze in my youth but donny good god stop the osmond train and chill the fuck out man. i don't really watch the tabloid shows as i find them to be so damn whitewashed what you see is only 15% of the truth so i haven't seen much of him on the show but the 3 shows i did see a portion of donny was like a damn pimp hollerin about marie this my nephews this blah blah marie dolls, dancing ,being single STOP! don't call any more attention to yourself and risk them figuring you are irrelevant.
go get your teeth cleaned, that'll keep ya busy for awhile.

welcome..i know i'm a busy canadian beaver this week

...so check out the links and join the ranks of gossip trollers who are addicted to smut and stuff.

workin for the man is fuckin up my jive

..so enjoy this lil funny nugget from the interweb:

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period'.

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

(this women is my new hero)

just let the man die..

ok heath ledger part deux. so now the toxicology has been released and it's ruled and accidental overdose. if you go to cnn.com it's written like this:
Heath Ledger death ruled "accidental".
wtf does that mean? and now larry king-the most irrelevant, uninformed fossil on tv- has dr. drew pinsky giving his .02 about what he's perceived from the footage on super reliable tmz.com.
jesus christ people want to crucify the man. he's dead,you've picked at the bones now move on.
let his family heal and move on to the future obituary of britney spears. sigh.

ronald mcdonald used to be my homeboy

been to mcdick's lately or at least the drive thru? notice anything different? anything missing? like HALF the fuckin menu?
ohhh they still serve and sell all those delicious carcinogens they just don't advertise 90% of it unless it's in a combo meal. not a big deal to most because let's face it we pretty much all get the combo. don't lie. the problem i have with it is this. if we don't know the prices we'll never know when they raise them. and what if say i left my wallet at home and i have about $4 in change. i have to ask the poor biotch behind the counter or other side of the window "how much is this? how much is that?" embarassing for me annoying as hell for the people behind me. this is FAST food damnit how is that helping?

can you imagine if other restaurants adopted this practice? oh a few other fast food chains are but i'm talking a real sit down with menus type. you sit they hand you the menu,you open it and the waiter comes over and tears half of it out. wtf? what idiot in marketing came up with this? and why is it acceptable? if you are a food establishment in europe you must show a full menu and prices on your front door. makes sense to me.
bada du du duh.. i'm not lovin' it.

date like a man & other bullshit fed to women

date like a man.
what does that even mean?
i've noticed a pattern in media today. it seems there is a shift in the women are from venus men are from mars single world. everywhere i've looked lately i'm reminded what is wrong with me as a woman for not being in a relationship or heaven forbid- married. books, radio guest spots,tv shows and advertising all geared towards the singleton and how she needs to change her silly ways to snag a man. countless single soccer dads have written books,blogs and held fuckin seminars on it. some are geared towards the 'playas' in training and others are centered on scaring the shit out of single women over 30. and the message is all the same "grunt grunt, man like pussy, he no want one for rest of life" and you better get used to it. how many books in the self help at chapters are staring you women in the face with titles such as "bitch change yo ways if you want a baby by 40" or "i'm a man this is what we like,get over it" but what they are really called are "He's just not that into you" or "The Game". oh and my new favorite tucker max. this guy is douche supreme and proud of it. if i were his mother i'd beat his ass raw, but the freaky lil' bugger would like it lol.
ok so like i was saying...why does a woman have to change in order to find a man? why is there no compromise in this? i mean some guys are assholes. like reallll dicks. and you're telling me instead of Dicky McPrick getting some therapy i'm supposed to grin and bare it like something out of that piece of shit book The Rules? no wayyyyy. don't even get me started on those bitches and what that damn book did for women. whores. but i digress...when did it become 1955 again?
why am i pschologically dumbing it down for these social rejects still living in mom's basement? it's not ok,get a job and ask yer ma for your balls back.

in short-next time a friend tells you you need to date like a man...tell her you did and you just weren't into it.