Zach and Miri make a porno teaser

if kevin smith weren't already married i'd be on that tubby bitch quicker than tom cruise on a unicorn. his movies are smart, refreshing and funny as shit. now add seth rogen. perfection.

here is a clip from the upcoming movie starring seth and elizabeth banks. enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkEGShbSdWA

Canuck Luc Bourdon Killed In Motorcycle Accident

sad...21 on a new bike and lost control. i hate bikes.


Winners Use Drugs: Vancouver Canuck Luc Bourdan Killed In Motorcyle Accident#links

facebook ads suck

...this picture appears on facebook under an ad banner reading " ultimate diet plan." from the looks of it the diet consists of little more than water and celery stix. i see ribs!

i don't find seeing the skeletal outline of a women appealing and neither do most guys...this girl needs to eat a sandwich and chill for a week.

there's another gem picture floating around there that i'll post once i see it again that is disturbing...no thanks facebook i can find my own eating disorder you just stick to poking a bitch.

and yet i'm still single...

lisa if you read this, did you say yes? and pleasssse send me a pic of the wedding.
kisses!

it's my baby and i can party if i want to

and party she will. i read online that this is the 6th time this month she's gone out to get her party on at Villa leaving the new babe to sleep next to a nanny watching telemundo while trying Xtina's Laboutins on.

look i'm not a mother nor do i plan to be ..so far. but i do have friends with kids and babies and i can safely say going to get your drink on 6 times a month is not an option. nor is it necessary. hey i'm a single women without kids and i don't go out 6 times a month.

these aren't work engagements or red carpets..its Villa. a bar.

i'm not one to judge moms but come on...stay the fuck home.

an open letter to drug addicted actors...

Dear drug addicted actors,

Please stop trying to pull this fuckery on the public. It's foolish, irresponsible and just fucking dumb. You entered a rehabilitation facility for DRUGS. Not depression, not to research a 'role' but to hopefully kick the monkey off your back. don't try to fool us by lying about the shit,just admit it.

we know,you know it,your studio bosses know it and so do their insurers. sure rich people have problems too but don't rub the entitled salt into the wound by denying that maybe the pressure is too much, maybe having to be pretty everyday is hard (for Eva) and maybe just maybe because of all this you developed a nasty habit that needs to be nipped in the bud.

sure you never got in the biz to be a role model but guess what? you never got int he biz to become a raving cokehead with tendencies to fuck the whole band in the back of the bus after Glastonbury either. so suck it up,put on a happy face and stand up and say 'yes i had a drug problem and i sought help for and so should you if you are going through the same thing"

it's no coincidence that magazine sales have soared and that a new celeb blog pops up every 30seconds. we are an obsessed culture, we want to look like you,live where you live drive what you drive and snort what you snort. and when the party is over on monday morning and we are asleep in our vomit and fired from work we wan to look up at you Eva, Kiki and the rest and know that there is a better way, that we can get help and reclaim our lives.

and in return we'll see every shitty movie you put out.

even mona lisa smile.

my review of P.S. I love you

i fuckin loved it.

Gerard Butler
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Harry Connick Jr.

'nuff said.

i'm convinced 95% of people are stupid

working as i do as a support coordinator you'd think by now i was used to stupid people. i mean it's what we do here. deal with dumbasses and their inability to read a MANUAL.
but every once in awhile there is a special brand of dumb i encounter. case in point the lovely lady who upon receiving her unit called in tot give me shit for not informing her that it required electricity. ma'am what exactly did you think 110V meant? also in the specs what did you think the 3 pronged electrical cord was for?

i've worked a lot of different jobs in my day but my all time favorite was in a greeting card shop that also sold touristy stuff in the summer. you know the standard Canadiana fare. pens, tee shirts, flags, mugs etc. one very charming and obtuse lady brought up a silk screened canadian flag to ask:
"Lovely flag. does it come in any other colours?"
"uh no ma'am that's our country's flag and our colours are red and white"
"Well it doesn't match my rosebushes, would your other store have them?"
"not unless the store is in fuckin Finland!"
"jackie, we need to talk at the end of your shift" that signaled the end of my employment in the greeting card business. shocking ,no?

a friend of mine worked in a tourist shop in Jasper for a summer. her favorite story (aside from the 100s of Japanese tourists getting trampled by charging moose and elk who DO NOT want their picture taken from 3 feet away) is the very kind German lady who exclaimed:

"dis scenes is soo beautiful and vibrant...who paints zem?"
"ma'am those are mountains. real mountains. there is no backdrop"
"oh so i cannot buy them?"
"not since 1867"

Happy Birthday Dilly!

3 years later.....time certainly flies for auntie Jax.

Spent the weekend with my bff and her family this weekend in the hills of the BC interior...had so much fun! it was a gorgeous drive and the bbq was tasty, the bonfire was warm and the people were always a delight for the senses. thanks Tanya!

now figure out how to comment on here already!

can i get an ewww...

10 seconds after this picture was taken 6 guys in Hazmat suits broke through the party crowd and quietly 'removed' the imminent danger from the situation and the party resumed.

no further parties were quarantined.

a safe memorial day to you all

south of the border...and beyond.

i may not agree with the fight but i can repsect and remember those who fell yesterday, today and tomorrow.

a moment in time

no matter how we'd like to believe it's flat...it's still round.

this picture makes me feel very small in the world.

not everything has to matter,not everything has to be clean and perfect.

sometimes you can just be still, who you are in a moment and like it.

it's ok to be small sometimes when the world expects you to be so big.

just funny...

i just don't care, maybe later i will

i'm sick of Cannes. i'm sick of American Idol. i don't care who wins because regardless it's still going to be the worst shit music you have heard thus far. i'm sick of Brangelina pictures..fuck im sick of Angie in her dark lord wardrobe,get some fuckin colour and get over the damn goth phase like the rest of us in our 30s did years ago.

i am soooo over America's next (out of work) top model AND Tyra(nt).

Plus size? a size 8? fuck YOU! tyra you were bigger than the bitch you chose as a plus size winner. we aren't stupid it was planned from the get go.

i'm sick of the calories and fat content of everything. that's great you care but leave me in peace to enjoy my low fat chai while you snack away on 3 almonds and a non fat, non dairy,non tasting air in a $4 cup. i don't care!

i'm sick of drama,not the celeb kind but the friend kind. drama resides where it is comfortable so if you're whining again about drama a in your life maybe stop pulling up a chair and fixing it a coffee. stop opening the door and making it feel welcome. just stop...

life is friggin short kids..enjoy what you can when you can..in moderation whether it be sex,snark, drama,chocolate or Brangelina pictures.

you won't catch me in mexico...ever

that statement was made many years ago before the recent murder of a teenhood friend this past weekend. 29 years old and shot 3 times in the head. the first one killed him the last two were a fuck you.

until the mexican government takes up the cause of keeping tourists alive i will not spend $1 in their country. Corrupt was invented in mexico and has been the way of life for government employees for decades. cover ups,payoffs and cops on the take are the norm.

please read the following link before deciding where to spend your hard earned pesos.

* there's going to be a big update in the case and until it's public knowledge i'm not going to comment. i still stand behind my statement though.

http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/story.html?id=853b7e15-b7ee-4e23-bf6a-15fda3264fae

RIP Ingo.

hez in need

hey there! fellow blogger Hez asked me for your opinion on her new site. I am working on a blog roll for this page but don't have time to finish right now so do a bitch a favor and check out her new digs and see what you think? you can provide comments here or there....

http://www.cvxn.tumblr.com/

first 3 to comment don't get shit!!!! lol.

thanks for helping the heziverse get better one blog at a time. i've posted the pic because if you knew how much she has going on she IS like fuckin Wonder Women.

100% of us either think he's still batshit crazy...

or our opinion was not changed by Ope's interview.

shocking.

the stupidest shit i ever pulled was......

ya i did some dumb shit in my youth. DUMB.

jax is not the same person she was in her late teens, thank god!

i was dating a guy who unbeknowst to me was a Lifer. In and out of jail since his teens and sadly....still is.

anyway i was a dumb and naive girl thinking i 'loveddddd him' and he would change. uh no dumb girl a leopard can't change his spots.

i wasn't raised like that, my parents were not overjoyed at me driving to JAIL to visit my bf. But in my haze of stupidness i did not care, i felt no shame at being searched over and over again. hey i was in love. i was fuckin amy winehouse minus the heroin addiction and bad beehive. he was Innocent, of course he wouldn't do such things,not my bf.

yes he did bad things and he did horrible things i knew not of. and honestly at the time he hadn't done them yet and hey i could still change him. he'd do it for me. i was his gf right?

no not right. one night i got a call from his brother asking me to meet him somewhere to talk and could i bring my mom's car? sounded suspect but i trusted him and so i went.

this is where my 34 year old self is screaming "Don't go you dumb bitch!" at my dumbass.

this is where i get really fucking stupid and your opinion of me sinks.

I met with his brother who who had some news on a new case that was about to be solved,and my bf was the prime suspect. Seeing as he was already in jail another conviction (but he's innocent!) would and should result in 10 years.

"jax he didn't do it, we have to help him. he can't be in jail until he's 30 it'll kill him"

so we devised a plan.

i was going to take my car down to a remote area outside of the jail grounds a few blocks aways and out of earshot while my bf escaped from prison.

and i waited.....and waited. he never showed up and i got popped by the cops down the road.

i gave a fake name,claimed no identification and they let me go.

i found out later my bf's MOTHER picked him up on the other side of a river.

i was bait. my loving, caring,thieving,lying bf used me for bait while his fuckin mother helped him escape from jail.

we did a lot of dumb shit him and i...but after that night i was done.

and never looked back.

the long weekend game

years ago my good friend and i were chatting about our plans for the day on a long weekend. she was cleaning out her closet and i was going shopping and trying to coax her to come with me. "jax, if i don't do it today i'll never do it. at least this way i'm getting paid to clean my room and you're getting paid to shop. enjoy it!"

that sentence changed my way of thinking of long weekends and the actual paid day off. it also started a hilarious game of who can get paid for the most outrageous or deviant thing between the two of us. hers was a sex marathon and mine was going to the taboo sex tradeshow. today not as exciting..blogging,laundry and shopping....again. we get two days of sun and i go out and spend a small fortune on a summer wardrobe. actually i hit some great sales so i'm cool with it. it was going to happen anyway.

what's the best thing you've done on a paid day off? the most scandalous?

he's no stranger to love

about time...again.

are you feeling tired? fed up?

finally what we've all been wanting...

Megan Meier hung herself after a 49 year old women posed on Myspace as an teen boy admirer.once she gained Megan's trust she started playing with her mind to the point where the girl became hysterical and eventually went up to her room in tears and hanged herself from her closet rod.

Authorities announced today finally...that the 49 year old 'mother' is being indicted on charges of conspiracy and accessing protected computers to obtain information to inflict emotional distress.

in a horrible tragedy this is great news and serves as a lesson to other so called mothers who think it's no big deal to bully teens and kids. this enrages me to no end.

RIP Megan.

read for yourself:

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/05/15/internet.suicide/index.html

a sad and shocking story

if you live in Tallahassee you know where this is going as i'm sure it's been all over the news.

i was going to do a write up of it but in my search i found someone already did a good job in the same way i see it. thanks nolanchart.

http://www.nolanchart.com/article3775.html

i have friends who have done this in the past, it could be any of them. hell a few wrong turns in the road and it could have been me.

this was a setup from the get go,the cops knew that she was connected to these guys THEY wanted and used her to do it. this girl was not a 'dealer' per se...they probably did surveillance on the 2 guys,her name or number came up and they found their naive mark to do their bidding.

and now her blood is on their hands.

and cops wonder why they get no respect.

i love this guy

not in a he's so hot way but he made the funniest joke last night on real world hollywood.

yes i watch a lot of shite tv,it's my fix.

anyway dave and the rest of the roommates are talking to joey who is heading to rehab in episode 3. damn they don't waste time these days. back when it was real world london they waited until after the show ended. so there they were all serious trying to talk joey about addiction and reassuring him it would be ok and out comes Dave.

"Hey maybe you'll meet Lindsay Lohan"

LOL.

love that guy.

i lovvve this song at the moment..

some of us wear our heart on our sleeve...

poor jess. rumour has it her and romo are o-va.
see this is what happens when you give a magazine interview and call your bf of a year your future husband. na uh girl that is not how it's played. not that you have to 'play' per se but come on. i'm not a celebrity but this shit is not done. if she's doing that in the mags what is she feeding him in private?

it's so perfect too because i can imagine ole' tony as a compete 'yes dear' kinda guy. i don't know if i believe it just yet but either way i think they'll get back together. honestly they both struck me as a bit dim..to be kind.

but for now jessica? don't get too comfortable.

take the poll!

that's a poll not a POLE you sick birds. see left.

it's a tad late but i had issues with the poll application.

AND still am apparently.

your choices for answers are:

yes, no, still batshit crazy and he's straight, get over it.

she's cold as icccce.

damn lauren. you only 'lived with audrina?' uh are ya forgettin how the fuck that came to be? heidi left your ass high n dry for spencer and audrina moved in to the condo, she wasn' t homeless. you didn't do her any favors.

i feel bad for audrina, dumb as a post yet very relatable. lo is clearly driving a wedge between the two and lc knows it. well why else was she crying? she knows that when push comes to shove she has to choose her future not her past...just like stephen. lauren keeps saying 'i'm not in high school anymore' and she likes going out. lo is looking for another homebody to do facials and eat sushi with on saturday nights. what lauren like smore than anything is lauren. she wants to be the toast of the party,the flash of the bulb...the fuckin girl lives on camera.
she's lauren truman.

meanwhile back in vegas??? spencer? wtf man? i hope this shit IS scripted,one man can't be that a big of an asshat. who follows their girlfriend to vegas outside of lampoon movies? seriously have you tried to get a flight last minute? without the hotel deal it's like a G. heidi's an idiot,i hope brent fires her ass..at the very least she can kiss 'project manager' away. snort.
and spencer? the guy is a class one douchebag supreme.
but she is whatever the female equivalent to that is so they should be together.
why ruin two families?

(i'd love to credit the image but i coulnd't find who..if you know tell me)

i'm either lazy as hell or genius.

is it wrong i want to hire a cleaning women for my 700 square foot 1 bedroom condo?

it's not that i don't like to clean ( i don't) or that i'm lazy (i am) but pardon me but i like spending my days off doing things i like rather than having my head half in the shitter cleaning for the better part of my saturday. is that wrong? my modern mother always had a cleaning lady come every friday while my mom worked full time. my mom still cooked and did the laundry etc. but she didn't waste what little personal time she had on her knees scrubbing floors. not to mention she once confessed to getting a secret thrill from coming home to a clean lemony fresh house every friday knowing she didn't have to lift a finger.

brilliant.

and why should she? she raised 3 kids,worked full time and still came home and cooked and tidied every night. she made her own money and could afford it much like myself. mom says go for it. my dad....well he's from a different generation..the 'old school' as he says where you worked your ass off and knew the price of a dollar. well i do work my ass off and i do know the price of a dollar thanks to him....but i'm more from the 'if you can pay someone to do it and save you time..do it' whether it be painting the house,washing the car or mowing the lawn. unless of course you love those things and find them relaxing (weirdo) then all the power to ya.

i think a little part of dad's heart died when i told them of my plans to hire Molly Maid.

i feel a bit awful....but sorry Dad, unless you want to come over and wash 700s.f. of walnut hardwood flooring Molly's in and i'll be out........enjoying my life.

best $50 i'll ever spend.

to the great moms in my life

memere..90 years young,mother of 12,gramma to 40 great gramma to 20 and still going.
my mom,brother and dad 1966.
aunt,family friend and dad's mom 'memere' and my beautiful mom.
carol charity..loved and missed.
gramma opening Pepsis for the party. ooh i spot sundae dishes.
mom blowing out her candles as gramma looks on.
daisy, carol and dot- the canterbury triplets. (aunt gramma aunt)
great grampa,gramma,great gramma on a road trip.
my great gramma, gramma, mom and great grampa.

all these wonderful women and more taught myself and others so much about life, love and happiness.
thanks for everything mom,gramma and memere i love you!!!

To all the amazing moms out there have a Happy Mother's Day we couldn't be here without you.

lady loses job over a 16 cent doughnut hole

tim hortons lighten the feck up.
a nice young girl working at tim horton's decides to give a small child of a regular customer a $0.16 timbit. she was then fired for breaking tim horton's policy of not giving away food.

tim horton's made $61.8 million dollars in the first quarter of 2008.

nicole lilliman gave away a $0.16 item.

canada revolted across the country and skipped their morning coffee yesterday in protest.
by 9am this morning nicole had her job back but at a different location.

tim horton's does not currently have a company wide policy on giving away timbits.
i have no idea what happend but if you click the box below the tittle it's a link to the story.

i'm going to go hang myself now. wake me when someone gets arrested.

open letter to the prick who tried to run me off the road

fuck youuuuu.

-jax

so i'm driving down the road to work this morning and come up behind a dump truck which is very normal from the area i am in. he's going very slow so i look around him to see if it is safe to pass. i have a jagged line indicating its legal so i go around him. i signal i give a wide berth you name it.

2 mins later this asshole is on my ass giving me the brights the horn and yelling like a mad man. we approach a stop sign,there is traffic everywhere and he keeps getting closer and closer until i have to move my car up to get out of HIS way. i'm now pinned between his truck and another. he's yelling and getting out of his truck and thankfully at this point traffic creeps up enough so i could get the fuck out of there.

but not before i took a picture of him and his antics. due to privacy protection act i cannot show it and risk being sued. so i got my ass the fuck out of there and called the cops on his ignorant anger filled ass. the best part?

he called the cops on ME first. and lied about every dam thing that happened! the street he was on, the manner in which i was driving...everything. thankfully the cop was very nice and knew the area we were in well and called him on his BS.

why i have to ask...do truck drivers take it as a blow to the ego if a woman in a car passes them?

you were doing fucking 20kms in a 60km zone in a 3 ton truck hauling rock you asswipe. oh and the next time me and my bitches are rollin' and we see you..you're gonna wish you were the dude in the picture. recognize. lol...deep cleansing breathes.

ya he's just that hot...and not even my type.

my review of Broken English

godamn this movie was good. it's abit slow but worth the build. the cover tried to compare it to sex and the city but it's not. it's abit more real and gritty in spots. the classic love story of the one that got away but it delivers. i loved loved loved parker posey in the role she was great and newbie Melvil Poupaud is just so hot. with a capitol H. that french accent? girrrrl i was gone!
ahem.

i give it a solid B.

wtf is wrong with will smith?

did you see him on oprah's second part circle jerk with tommy boy? first off now i see how oprah works. first you blow me on friday then i blow you on monday. shameless.


anyhow....will smith. he looked...sickly. not in a losing weight for a role way. i may have to look back at blind items. something tells me something ain't right about the man. we've heard the rumours...hopefully the fresh perv of bel air wore a jimmy. i couldn't find a good picture to show form oprah, but it was kinda sad.

oh and btw 'dadda cruise' totally had botox on the forehead. poppa has no more creases and the snozz is a lil on the smaller side in my opinion. thoughts? he def looks younger.

my ex pretty much sux but i still miss him

and well today it's official. it's been 1 year since we parted ways..oh sure we tried to work it out for a few weeks but today is that last day i saw him. and the last time i got drunk. actually me getting a lil tipsy is what led to the demise and i don't even drink hardly.

either way i miss the bastard and all his faults. and between us if i opened my front door and found him standing there tomorrow...i'd take him back in a heartbeat.

sad? yes. desperate? sorda. probability of it happening? slim.

sigh...but it doesn't stop me from being hopeful everytime i open the door. at midnight tonight i'm closing that door for good.

it's time.

chad kroeger is a douchebag

ya i said it.

this asshat was busted tooling around in his Lamborghini well over the speed limit and shocking! was drunk. like 2x over the limit drunk.

so a drunk douchebag in a very expensive killing machine gets pulled over, fails a sobriety test and months later finally gets sentenced.

$600 fine and a suspended license for a year. i'm thinking wow that's a slap on the wrist, damn good thing he didn't hurt or kill someone. notice i didn't say of himself? ya cuz i wish he would.

would you believe that this fucker has the balls to appeal the judges decision? his excuse being that chad lives in a very rural area and requires a license to get to business appointments.

ok here's the thing. Chad DOES live in a rural area (in fact drop by he lives on Burgess Ave. in Abbotsford, BC) on a lot of acreage in the country, but last time i drove by and yelled DOUCHEBAG! i do believe i was driving on pavement...you know the same sort of pavement a LIMO or i don't know....a chauffeured SUV would drive on.

Chad you dick...your shitty band with your no talent 3 note music grossed millions last year.

HIRE A DRIVER and take it like a man.

pussy.

Laineygossip BI

By request I was asked to post this as Lainey does not allow comments (come on girl!)

Keeping it Legal
I love how often the self righteous, artistic ones are always end up being the douchiest and the perviest. The backstory:Several years ago, while dating a high profile, fiery actress, he was on location shooting a movie and found himself one night at a local bar. A young hot thing approached, they flirted, they made the call, and pretty soon she was telling her friends she was heading home with the star, protected by both his bodyguards and a personal driver. So they get back to his place, start making out, she services him with her mouth, and tries to get him to return the favour, at which point he balks and then, no longer blinded by arousal, finally gets around to asking her: "Are you really 19?" Well of course she wasn’t 19. She was actually only 16. And when her guilty face confirmed it for him, he quickly called her a cab and sent her home, not offering to pay for her cab. He did however offer to pay for the silence.His security detail and the chauffeur, all of whom were witnesses to his tryst with the teen, were compensated handsomely for their discretion. They were so trustworthy that he wanted to use their services again when he returned to town for a new project recently. Unfortunately the same team wasn’t entirely intact. So instead, now single, he went to great lengths to secure a very capable staff to make sure he didn’t find himself in the kind of icky underage situation as last time. Was like having a personal assistant for the express purpose of getting him head and occasionally laid. Only he was strict about wanting it from “real” girls and not from professionals. Every few days or so, his people had to scour the city looking a girl he could spend a short time with. They’d all start off at a group dinner, and by the end of the night, he’d end up sated at place. A few girls were lucky enough for repeats but effort on his part was never forthcoming. Still… at the very least… he kept it legal